Happy Holidays.

Happy holidays. I wish you all a great xmas and a happy new year.


=)

December bliss

So, I've grown close to many yet distant from others. Its just how the chapters were wrote I suppose. I'm greatful for each page that's been turned because if a single page were missing I wouldn't be where I am now.

I've been very sick the past couple months in and out the hospital, basically knocking on deaths door. I've been battling a swollen throat,to the point of airway occulsion, headaches, neck stiffness, and a swollen spleen. Common sense would point to mono but the doctors couldn't accept that beings you should clinically only be able to get it once. This would be time 3 for me. Finally yesterday a test came back indicating that was the problem. I was unaware it could make a person this ill. I can walk about 5 feet maybe less and then I feel the need to rest. I've not been able to eat for sometime now and iv fluids are what gets me by. They say it typically lasts about a few months so hopefully ill get energy soon.

On another note, christmas is around the corner. So excited for the holidays. Which is then followed by the kids birthdays wooo! 6 and 9. I can't believe my oldest will be in 4th grade next year!! Time is not standing still that's for sure!

NewYorkism

So, I must say ny is amazing. I stayed in the bronx which is way opposite from where I reside. I got to see a lot of places...where to start.

We shall start at the airport. I landed in queens at the infamous la guardia. My next trip I will be flying into JFK no questions asked. Anywho I was greated by Gary. I must say our taxi ride [my first ever] was enough to make me feel sick but enough of that. We went to manhattan and kinda toured the city. My country self was blown away. Good times. The following day we went to the mirrors and D&B. Go figure I couldn't win for nada.

Day three...brooklyn baby. I met up with a friend and walked across the brooklyn bridge, went to the jewish museum, and off to central park we went. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I had a great day. Met back up with good ol "Gee" and had dinner.

Sunday was okay, dude had football practice so I ventured a little bit with a friend. We went initially to get a thank you card and wound up shopping. Never knew bargaining was possible in stores but eh. Learn something new everyday. After his practice we linked up again. Walked around and ended up on the beast, good times. I must say the drinks at D&B had me one happy chick later that night. My advice is to never drink a lethal weapon, there is a caution for a reason.

Monday was okay, chilled at the park then ventured to another park in manhattan while he played ball. The view....amazing.

Tuesday..was my departure, I didn't want to return to nebraska.

I will be going back soon maybe even for good...time will tell.

NY is amazing.

yep

So I got up today pulling an overtime shift only to get to work and they not need me. So I took myself home. Initially I was upset because I had to pay for daycare, but eh. The day has turned out productive. I was able to unpack from my trip to ny which was a lot of fun as well as a stress relief but ill get into that later. I managed to get all my laundry done and my house put back together. I've been working a lot lately and it seems the less we are here the more of a disaster my house is. It took about 4 hours and I'm still not quite done. I still need to get to the gym and figure out bills etc. The day is still young, its not even noon!

Yeah?

I lost sight of me for a minute. I'm back on track and feelin better than ever! I think life is about to take a turn, for the better. I'm trying to right my wrongs and I'm learning its okay to mess up. Just admit it and keep it moving. Noones perfect.


Currently feeling: blessed.

True Colors

I didn't understand cause I was hurt and cryin, my boy said " soon you'll understand, soon enough".


Its funny cause all I wanted to do was be the one. But you decided to escape, to run. You wanted to go, I was sayin stay. You decided to run with another girl, though the whole time you where feedin my soul with I love yous and more. At first I was like damn is there something wrong with me? But na...I learned that I was a good chick, who you decided to play for a good fool. Its bad when your own friends say I deserve better. That I should have left a long time ago, why didn't I know better?

Well, I can get over the fact you're walking out my world.

I'm through being the nice girl, through bein the better person cause its hard to smile when deep inside I'm hurtin. I give it to you tho you played me perfect. Had me thinkin I was the only one. I applaud you for that.

One word...karma. Although games are fun to you now, when karma comes back around the fun will end. I'd take it as a lesson learned but I've already learned about those who mislead and deceit.

Babbling

Dear Reader;


Today I woke up feeling fab! I started my day off about only an hour and half ago, 9 am to be precise. I'm sitting here waiting on the return of my lovely daughter and my parents. We intend to have a bbq and chill and do the family thing. Its humid and sticky outside so I must say my a/c working cheered me right up. Being hot is not something that sits well with my soul. I need to take a shower and really get ready for the day. I've been cleaning ever since I woke up, so I can say today is really one of the more productive days. Woohoo. About time.

I anticipate that today is going to be a refresher. Its due time.

On another note, only ONE MORE WEEK of nights! Then its to a day schedule! No more 7pm-7:30am jazz. I'll be normal. Well as close to normal that I can be. Maybe this is going to be the turn around in my life that I need. Out with the negative and in with the positive?

We'll see.


-- her.

Love.

What is love to you?

Unsettling.

A lot of things have been unsettling lately.
From pictures, to comments, to things people have been telling me.
I'm trying so hard not to let hearsay get to me.
But truth be told, its starting to take its toll.

Little things that I pay attention probably feed into it. But eh.
Regardless, whats meant to be will happen.
I can't prevent someone from doing what they want.
I just hope that honesty is always in play.
I don't have time to waste or the energy to expend.

A side note, my mothers day was fucking awesome.
My kids made me the best gifts I could ever ask for.
I also got to see my grandfather. I haven't seen him in about a year or so.
So that was way past due.

I ramblin' and this has no form. But honestly its not really something that I intend for anyone
to read. Its more just a means to get shit off my chest. At the end of the day its about me and not
anyone else.

Weekend Fun

Where do I start. My weekend started early thursday morning. I couldn't have asked for a better past few days with the exception of a little wave. We finally got to laugh, joke, touch, basically enjoy each other. All my feelings for this man finally made sense. I've gained more respect, appreciation, and love for him. This experience was what I needed. He's great and he's mine. Even though I know this will not be easy I am now more ready than ever to give my all into making it work.

Dose of reality.

So last night I was told that my feelings for a certain someone were bullshit. Followed by, "You're a cool person, I like talking to you, you say interestin' stuff blah blah blah". One thing just hasn't settled in my mind. The fact Im such a great person, but yet one thing that is so dear to me I bullshit about?!? I ended up hanging up and falling asleep, only to wake up with that shit still on my mind bothering me. Maybe its because I love honesty but hate contradictions? How can you want someone as a close friend but yet not take what they say/how they feel seriously? To me thats impossible.

Now lets get one thing straight, Im a type of person to be very guarded. VERY guarded. Me expressing my emotions is kinda like finding a needle in a haystack. So when I get that shit out only months later to be told I was bullshittin' ..that is the ultimate slap in the face. Kinda like taking my heart, using a sledgehammer, brutally smashin' it a couple times and then placing it back in my chest cavity and expectin' it to function properly. Na dude, probably isn't gonna happen.


They say when something bothers you, write, talk, do whatever it takes to get it off your chest. He said truth hurts. Its not the truth that hurt me last night, it was me cherishin' someone only for me to find out everything I've said in the past didn't mean shit to them.


Currently feeling : Withdrawn.

Feelin' myself.

I am amazing.
The end.

-- her.

Hearsay.

"You say that hes wrong.
You say that hes no good.
Leave him alone,
cause hes gonna hurt you.
But what they don't know is how he makes me feel.

You say that he creeps,
always running runin' the streets.
Hes playin' the game and he'll never love me.
You say that hes fake,
but why does it feel so real?"

Shit can demolish a relationship if you allow it.
Everyone always wants to rain on your parade when it seems to be going so good.
But they say, there is always some truth to dishonesty.

Imagine that.

eh.

Naked Truth.

Dear Unknown:


Okay, so I decided to be open minded and give this a shot. I know far too many of you are reading this just to be nosey. Don't get amped, its highly unlikely that you will learn anything new. I save that for those very close to me. Which consist of really only a couple of people.

Who am I? Many ask. I am her. I am an individual that is complex yet simple, harsh yet loving, outspoken yet shy, emotional yet withdrawn, sarcastic yet deep. I am distanced from many yet close to a few. When I love, I love hard. However when I feel betrayed I turn numb. I have the ability to turn off just as fast as I turn on. Many say I have a sharp tongue. I say you probably deserved whatever choice words came out of my mouth.

I have well had.. well hmph, one sibling. A brother named Jason. He was my heart. He was my biggest fan and likewise. He supported me through the most trying times and I gave him motivation when he needed it. He was the one person I never had to worry about turning his back on me. The most amazing character I've ever been blessed enough to love, share a childhood with, and of course learn many life lessons with. He is probably the only man I will shed a tear over. The day I lost him, I lost a part of me. I'm just now learning ( a few years later) thats its okay to cry. Its okay to be weak and show emotion. Its okay to mourn.


All my life I've had to be strong for my mother. I hate her for that.
I hate her for taking my sense to love away from me. I hate her for the lack of the support and the negativity. But I love her for giving me life. Which more or less negates everything else.

My father = my savior.
My children = the light at the end of the tunnel.
He = my refreshment, my equal, something to anticipate in the near future.


All this combined plays into me.

-- her

Visual Creations

So it all started when ,

Her: I was taking a shower
Her: I feel real good now.
Him: I want to smell you.
Him: Taste you ...
Her: I smell amazing.
Him: Bend you over and stick my tongue in your pussy.
Her: yeah that got me wet a little.
Him: Good.
Him: I want to slide my fingers inside you while suckin' on your clit.
Him: Pullin' them out & tastin' you.
Him: Spreadin' your legs apart, sinkin' my tongue deep in you, 'til your juices creep down my throat.
Him: Suck on your tits, while fingerin' you, preparin' to slide in.
Her: you paint a perfect picture.
Him: I want to make sure you're nice & wet before I enter.
Him: Makin' sure I slide in slowly, my girth stretchin' your walls.
Him: I'd pull out, watchin' your hole reclose, slappin' my dick on your clit, sendin' tingles through your body, I'd slowly slide back in, makin' you moan.
Him: Puttin' your legs on my shoulder, I'd spread your lips apart, gettin' deep inside you.
Him: Can you feel me?
Him: Leanin' over, you feel my warmth on your, my moans in your ear, turnin' your face to kiss me.
Him: I kiss you passionately, leavin' my pulsation inside you.
Him: What your hands wrapped around me, pulling me in deeper, I'd let our juices marry one another.
Him: I can feel your slow orgasm drip out and onto my balls, your tightened grip and heavier pants lets me know not to move.
Him: Feels good, doesn't it?
Him: Let me go back down and taste your cream ...
Him: Mmmm
Him: I like this ... a lot!
Him: Turn on your side, let me put one leg in between yours ...
Him: This position gives you the view to watch me as I stroke you.
Him: And hold on to me.
Him: Your pussy, red & swollen from the poundin', is ready for me to release myself in you.
Him: My pace speeds, then slows, then speeds again.
Him: I can feel my eruption getting closer ... and closer ...
Him: You feel so damn good.
Him: You whisper intently, cum in my fuckin' pussy ... I nod coherently.
Him: Almost there.
Him: You pull me in harder ... harder ...
Him: My pulsation releases my milk as I slow down, slower & slower, leaning over and kissing you, restin' inside you as you capture my jism.
Him: We look into each others eyes, whispering, I love you ... kissing the day away.



<3 The End.